About Ruby Lee

I was born and raised Casey Wyrembek, a happy and affable child with a penchant for curiosity, imagination, and mischief. My early life was spent in Southern California moving all over the place. My parents were a couple of lovely weirdos that probably shouldn't have ever had kids together, but they had 4. So here I am. I grew up as an artistic, emotionally problematic outsider with high intelligence and questionable social skills. I soared or failed miserably in my studies depending on my home life. I got into trouble, fought a lot, and wound up in detention a lot as a kid.

I grew up enamored and immersed in Cinema. My parents plopped me down in front of the T.V early and left me there as a pseudo-baby sitter. They, oddly, limited my exposure to kids shows but had no problem with me watching R rated films as long as they were present. The first films I remember watching as a child were Jaws, Terminator, Nightmare on Elm Street, and others that were way beyond my age. That was one of the many questionable things that went on in my childhood. It was... never boring when I was growing up. Let's put it that way.

At 5 years old I lost my best friend, a child named Billy that suffered from Hydrocephalus. A drunk driver hit him as he was legally crossing the street with his mother and his brother not far behind him. I escaped a kidnapping attempt and was assaulted sexually by a close family friend. My home life was tumultuous and abusive to say the least, with assaults, screaming, and everything else taking place often.

At 8 my paternal grandfather committed suicide a month after my maternal grandmother died from COPD. My parents divorced and I became a profoundly broken child. By the time I was ten I'd already become quite ensconced in darkness and trauma that I still struggle with this to this day.

I was one of those teens that got a hold of a computer somewhat early in the adoption of the internet. I read a metric shit ton, watched every foreign film and art house picture I could grab, and did not fit in with most of the world. I still don't. I wore a long black coat and eyeliner. I listened to Bauhaus records endlessly. I read Nietzsche. I lived and breathed nihilism. I questioned everything and earned the ire of every one of my Christian, heteronormative classmates constantly. I graduated by the grace of great teachers like Ardice Bailor and Meg Decker-Graham, great women who molded my troubled young mind with care and understanding I truly never deserved.

After Highschool I had very few opportunities and no way to pay for college. I wandered aimlessly for a while. I spent some time working various entry level gigs that went nowhere. I wound up jobless in Hemet, Ca. with no options and less financial stability. My mother decided that I needed to leave her house if I couldn't find a job and they were non-existent for me so naturally I got sucked into the Military pipeline.

I served for about 5 years in Army Communications. I went to Iraq twice. I learned a lot about humanity and myself during those times. I was exposed to burn pits, lived in chemically toxic structures, was forced to watch allies die without being able to assist. I made friends, I lost some, I dodged death once or twice. I saw the ultimate failures of humanity made manifest and it shook me to my core, it still does.

After that I got out. I began having symptoms of PTSD and other problems that made life a living hell for a long while. I worked a few more jobs, indulged misanthropy, and lost myself for a time. I lost half of my family, my mind for a while, and the darkness inside me nearly claimed my life.

I made it through and in the end of it I came out a different person. I even managed to get a degree in my deepest passion: Film. I discovered a passion for acting that I never knew that I had. I wasn't the best student but I never have been. I managed to graduate with a degree in Film Theory and Production with a minor in Theater Arts. I am proud of that cause it was extremely hard for me to get it done and took way too long.

I managed to get into therapy, get a disability claim approved with the V.A, and was able to get some much needed help for my issues. I often tell people that I am the lone exception of someone that has had almost all positive and easy experiences with the V.A overall. They've given me a lot that I would otherwise not have had access to on my own, most specifically medical and psychological help.

During this time I dove deeply into self actualization and started practicing mindfulness. I am now a secular Buddhist, a practitioner of radical empathy, and a generally loving spirit. I am a big believer in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy because it's worked for me to great success.

I started facing my internal discord and found that a large part of it was because of a deep repression of my personality. I struggled for a long time with the weight of who I truly was. I was thankfully able to find some allies and some mentors along the way, directly and indirectly, that helped me endure.

Enter Gender Dysphoria. I realized that deep down my face, mind, and heart did not match. I discovered the massive rift in me was due to my inability to accept that I am transgender. I had to get busy living, or get busy dying. So I did both.

I laid Casey to rest. I was reborn as Ruby N. Lee.

Laura Jane Grace will always be a proverbial mother figure in my transness. She gave me her strength, her courage, and it fed my own. I found her music, her book, and her generally awesome self at a time when I was not certain if I could continue. I was struggling with the question of if I had the strength to start over in life completely. I had to relearn how to be a person in so many ways that it was instantly overwhelming or seemingly impossible. I didn't think I could take a world that hated me even more than I already felt that it did. But LJ gave me the strength to keep at it and continues to teach me how to be a better me. LJ sings, "What God doesn't give to you, you've got to go and get for yourself." I stopped waiting for it and went out to find it. Thank you, LJ. It turns out the real me is pretty fucking amazing and I owe it in large part to you. I am a weirdo but I am *your* weirdo, Queen.<3 :D

The Wachowski's and the incomparable Jamie Clayton also helped me become myself. They helped shaped the good person that I am today. The W sisters in particular resonate with me. We 3 are Polish-Americans. Trans. Filmmakers. Advocates. Revolutionaries. Cheese pieces in the cultural game for trans acceptance. I am but a blip to their spot lights but I revel in the connections that we share. The sisters gave me The Matrix. Then Sense8, they gave me Jamie Clayton. Jamie is a true trans icon and I adore her immensely. I found these beautiful ladies at a time when I needed to see myself in the world. I needed to know that someone out there felt what I did. Representation really does save lives, I promise you that. These three amazing women gave me that and it honestly helped me to keep going. There are none that I hold in higher regard in the world of cinema, or as trans artists, than these 3. I hope to give that gift others if given the chance.

In life I have come full circle in so many ways that it feels profound. I have gone from purely consuming art to trying my hand at it myself. I wrote a novel, the first of three, after I laid my mother to rest in 2021. I seek a publisher for my stories. I also want to make films. I want to act. I want to inspire. I want to shape minds. I am currently looking for a means to become a professional artist. I desire to add to the beauty in the world, rather than the ugliness. I hope that it works out but what matters is that I am trying and that's good enough for me. I am but one hopeful in a Sea of would be creators and I accept the reality of that.

So this is me. I am Ruby, like the gem. I am Ruby because I am passionate, fiery, and red is my color. I am hard when needs be. I am useful and valuable to the world in a myriad of ways. If you can hold onto me your life is enriched in exponentially. if you can't then you'll likely resent my loss. I am Nomi (my middle name) as both a metaphor for "The New Me" and as an homage to my beloved film forebears mentioned above. Lee was my grandmother's gift to me, her middle name. She is my model for a beautiful, intelligent, strong woman. I pay that back to her whenever I am called by name. Invoking me also invokes her, and her gift to me.

I now work on realizing my true self outwardly. I have metamorphosed from an angsty, emotionally thin, bitter, antagonist with weight problems and addictions abound to a healthy, loving, beautiful, and self possessed person. I now work to put good into the world and hopefully undo some of the bad that I fed into it previously. I hope that people see the sum of my efforts to be a good person these days and not only the sins of my past and my mistakes. Regardless of anything it feels pretty good to put positivity into the world. I try to show others how to do the same. It is only right to reciprocate and guide others as I have been guided. Love is service to others and I give a lot of myself in that regard.

I live every day as if my life were charmed. As if being alive bizarre fairy tale because it really kind of is. I often joke that you can't write shit like this but I am gonna try anyways. I don't live the life of Reilly, I live the life of Ruby, which is even better.

I hope that by sharing my stories, by being visible, by making art that I can help make the world and the people in it better. I hope I can change minds and inspire others to be true to themselves. I seek to repay what has given to me. Mostly of all, I have hope now, and that's one of the greatest gifts in the world.