Fragmenting

It was so sudden and unexpected

How could this be?

This isn't happening.

I have to scream.

It is. This is really happening.

Why did this have to be me?

Why didn't I see it coming?

Was this my fault? Theirs?

This is the worst moment.

I can't believe this is happening.

I am completely numb.

I am dying inside.

My heart is shattering over and over again

How could she do something so selfish?

I am so angry at her.

I wish I could join her.

How could I not help?

Was there a pill? Was there a method?

Was there a place we could've put her.

How could we have helped?

If only I'd been there.

If only that thing wasn't present.

If only conditions had been different.

If only, If only I had, If only I hadn't, what now?

I guess their suffering is over.

But it still echoes endlessly in me.

I can't believe this is happening.

I'll never stop feeling this.